she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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