I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
