I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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