On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
