Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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