he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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