haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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