When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
