So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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