So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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