I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
