I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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