girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
