I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
