i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
