Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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