he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
