The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
