first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
