i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
