Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well you can't waste a boner
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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