yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
