Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
