my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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