im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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