Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We left the knife in your bed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
