Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
