I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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