So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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