she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
