So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
