There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
