why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
