He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cut my penus on the lid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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