He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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