Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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