You're earring is so big in my mouth
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
