do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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