The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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