You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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