Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
