just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
