I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
