Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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