i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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