I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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