can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
