You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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