You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize