she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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