I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
