Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
