I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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