if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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