just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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