I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize