Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
