I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
