I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
