Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
